Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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