I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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