I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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