We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
