why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
