And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
