idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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