i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
