you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dicks are not precious.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
