I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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