Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
