Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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