The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
