whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
