I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
