Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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