some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
