final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
