remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
