That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
