i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
