Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What a dumb baby whore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
