hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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