She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
