I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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