my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
