he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
