I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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