at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
