I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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