Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
