you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
