Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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