Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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