I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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