Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
