but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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