i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
