your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
