Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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