And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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