You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
