Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
