its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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