Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
