After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
