google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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