i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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