sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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