jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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